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Old Content/Quotes

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Note: This content is dated back to early 2000, so it's most likely out of date! Last updated: February 2003
  1. "Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them, and you have their shoes." - Frieda Norris
  2. "Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with." - Unknown
  3. "When you come to the end of your rope ... tie a knot and hang on." - Franklin Roosevelt
  4. "Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun every year." - Lizz
  5. "In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and is widely regarded as a bad move." - Douglas Adams
  6. "If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?" - Steven Wright
  7. "USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population." - Unknown
  8. "Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes." - Unknown
  9. "I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect." - Unknown
  10. "Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones." - Mike Barfield
  11. "If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving is not for you." - Unknown
  12. "Give a man a flame and keep him warm for the night. Set him on fire and keep him warm for the rest of his life." - Unknown
  13. "You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you." - Unknown
  14. "How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?" - Unknown
  15. "If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either." - Dick Cavett
  16. "Parking for Drive-Through Service Only" - McDonalds Sign
  17. "Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Leave me alone." - Unknown
  18. "Push to test." (click) "Release to detonate..." - Unknown
  19. "What happens if you put a slinky on an escalator?" - Steven Wright
  20. "It's easy to get blood from a stone, you just have to throw it hard enough" - Unknown
  21. "The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no trade-in value." - Unknown
  22. "Crashing is the only thing Windows does quickly." - Unknown
  23. "A black hole is where God divides by zero." - Unknown
  24. "Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig." - Proverb
  25. "Has it occured to anyone else that "AOL for dummies" is an extremely redundant name for a book." - clay
  26. "Down in Washington they're playing with Social Security like it's some kind of government program!" - George Bush
  27. "On sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness." - Unknown
  28. "Don't hate yourself in the morning. Sleep until noon." - Unknown
  29. "I think we agree. The past is over." - George Bush
  30. "If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." - George Bush
  31. "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." - Thomas Edison
  32. "I have the body of a gymnast... in the deep freeze downstairs." - Mike Fyrre
  33. "98% of American drivers think they drive better than anyone else." - True fact
  34. "More and more of our imports come from overseas." - George Bush
  35. "A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up a thousand times the memory." - Unknown
  36. "When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you." - Unknown
  37. "Disco is to music what Etch-A-Sketch is to art." - Unknown
  38. "Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do!" - Anonymous
  39. "program, n.: A magic spell cast over a computer allowing it to turn one's input into error messages. tr.v.: To engage in a pastime similar to banging one's head against a wall, but with fewer opportunities for reward." - Unknown
  40. "Make up your mind. Is it a drug, a virus, or a religion?" - Unknown
  41. "If your life is full of failures... you are not taking enough risks!" - Heather
  42. "He's not dead, he's electroencephalographically challenged..." - Unknown
  43. "Jesus saves sinners -- and redeems them for cash and valuable prizes." - Unknown
  44. "What if we celebrated Valentine’s Day with chickens instead of hearts? Then we'd say, 'I love you with all my chicken!!'" - Sesame Street
  45. "A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls." - George Bush
  46. "Very funny Scotty... Now beam down my clothes!" - Unknown
  47. "i was gonna call 911...but i was downloading a file" - Opcode
  48. "Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life." - Brooke Shields
  49. "If every person living in China jumped up and down at the exact same time, would they knock the Earth out of orbit?" - Unknown
  50. "There was this Eskimo chick who spent the night with her boyfriend. Next morning she found out she was 6 months pregnant." - Unknown
  51. "Why can't a blonde dial 911? Because she can't find the eleven!" - Unknown
  52. "If you hold a UNIX Shell up to your ear, can you hear the C?" - Unknown
  53. "A font walks into a bar: "Hey, we don't serve your type in here!"" - Mike Fyrre
  54. "No. You can't trick the raisins." - Scott
  55. "Put the others to the test, our sausages are the best!" - Sign
  56. "We are ALL Chartered Accountants." "Except me. I am a gorilla." - Unknown
  57. "Confucious say: Man who walks through airport door sideways is going to Bangkok" - Unknown
  58. "Jesus saves, he shoots, HE SCORES!!" - Unknown
  59. "Hey have you heard about that new pirate movie? It's rated arrrrrrr" - Mike Fyrre
  60. "Roman hackers are MCCCXXXVII." - Unknown
  61. "People with coughs don't go to the doctor - they go to the concert." - Unknown
  62. "Scott me up, beamy" - Unknown
  63. "My spoon is TOO BIG!" "I am a banana." - Unknown
  64. "Tuesday's coming, did you bring your coat?" "I live in a giant bucket!" - Unknown
  65. "I love beign drink it cool as" - A friend
  66. "I went out to see a fly's kid fall in mud agai-in...that was my beef steak, that was my-y beef steak, oo" - Pippa
  67. "Don't buy a car with its tail in the engine." - Chrissy
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Last edited by jevon jevon 131 months ago